As our families age, we all face changes and challenges that require us to grow and adjust to the new realities as they come. In The Dynamics of Aging Families by John W. Gibson, DSW and Bonnie Brown Hartley, Ph.D., the authors discuss how to make the changing dynamics work for the most positive outcome. In the section titled “Talking with Your Aging Parents,” the authors give several wonderful tips for families who find that it is time to have what may be a hard family conversation to have. While they may be difficult, these are necessary conversations, and we offer these helpful guidelines for getting them started and keeping them on the right track.
First, be prepared and think through what you are going to discuss. It’s even better if you can talk the issues through beforehand with an objective friend or adviser. At the meeting itself share your observations, concerns, information and resources with your family. Be prepared to “plant the seeds” for everyone to think about when it comes to decisions or actions that will be taken at a later date. It often works best if you can give these ideas time to grow in family members’ minds. Next, do those things that generally make for good conversations: be a good listener, try to understand everyone’s perspective, make sure that everyone is heard.
As the discussion progresses, make an effort to keep your shared family values in mind. Even though for most of us our tendency is to focus on our different approaches to a problem, in fact, we often share very similar values about a particular issue. For some families it is beneficial to have someone take notes on what was discussed, and what, if anything was decided. This is a useful strategy if family members can’t remember what was decided, or if, as is often the case, different people have differing memories of what was said.
Finally, make sure to involve everyone in decisions. Attention to this will make things easier going forward because, hopefully, all members will be invested in making the plan work. At A Caring Heart we are dedicated to helping families make choices that work for them. Contact us today for a free consultation.
